things move around

• Wear my MP3 player in a thunderstorm.
• Use lash-extending mascara if I wear contact lenses.
• Skimp on bananas if I happen to be a refuelling athlete.
• Eschew turkey, milk, tofu or peanut butter if I want to have healthy sleep.
• Assume that a “sugar-free” product is free of sweeteners other than sucrose or table sugar.
• Take an extra 20 minutes sleep in the morning at the expense of a 20-minute PM “power nap”.
• Suppress good belly-laughs (no mention is made of bad or simply average belly-laughs).
• Eat a meal without first drinking a glass of water to reduce my appetite.
• Leave my pedometer at home, if I want to walk on average 2,000 extra steps per day, according to “studies”.
• Eat a watermelon without washing it thoroughly, since the skin of watermelons can harbour salmonella - a leading cause of food-borne illness.

If ever this kind of nanny-corporatism gets too much for me and I decide to end it all in a grand act of individual rebellion, now I know to find myself a thunderstorm, avoid turkey, milk, tofu and peanut butter, sleep in for 20 minutes, eat an unwashed and purportedly sugar-free watermelon (without first drinking a glass of water), give all my bananas to charity, put on my MP3 player, lash-extending mascara and contact lenses, and, suppressing a good belly-laugh, go out for a walk (leaving my pedometer at home).