Seven ways of killing yourself using only a ream of A4 paper
1. Brain yourself by holding the ream end-on and repeatedly smashing it into your eyes.
2. Bleed to death by means of paper cuts.
3. Roll several sheets at a time into tight cylinders, ignite single sheets, build thus a bonfire, and char yourself until dead.
4. Put the ream on the floor and hurl your face at it.
5. Asphyxiation: roll the paper into balls and cram down throat.
6. Suffocation: hold paper over nose and mouth very tightly.
7. Roll single sheets and tie to create a ligature. Reinforce with transverse strips, wrap around neck and pull hard.
8. Eat raw.
This entry was posted on Monday, March 10th, 2008 at 10:01 AM and filed under New stuff. Trackbacks are closed.
hard day at the office?
maybe this is something to do with Marv and slag?
Posted on 10-Mar-08 at 10:31 am | PermalinkActually, Marv and his slag are the least of my worries. Such is the bleakness of my work at the moment that the prospect of discussing slag with Marv on the morrow is a ray of hope.
Posted on 10-Mar-08 at 10:51 am | PermalinkThrow in a stapler and you could have yourself a really lethal weapon.
Have Health’n'Safety been alerted?
Posted on 10-Mar-08 at 12:07 pm | PermalinkIs suicide considered unsafe?
Posted on 10-Mar-08 at 3:26 pm | Permalink