things move around

Wikipedia’s last four “featured articles” have been ‘Canada’, ‘Ku Klux Klan’, ‘Global Warming’ and ‘Absinthe’. I would rank these four things in the following order:

1. Global Warming. The whole world getting warmer, that’s incredible isn’t it. And what’s even more incredible is some people are saying it could be humans who are causing it. When I think about global warming I feel like I’m part of something greater than myself, yet at the same time I feel humble, because no matter how many fridges I dump in my local pond, I know I can’t do anything about global warming. But as part of the Brotherhood of Man, not the pop band, all of us dumping fridges into ponds and rivers as though our lives depended on it, I can make a difference. And that’s humbling.

2. Canada. I live in Canada and it’s a really nice country to live in. The trouble is it’s also an enormous motherfucker of a country, so in terms of niceness per square kilometer I’m not sure, it might be behind a horrible little island like Fiji, which would only need a couple of nice things, say a really friendly dog and a nice cafe, to boost the niceness ratio over Canada. But Canada’s still a nice enough place to live.

3. The KKK are at 3. I don’t know any KKK members; the closest I can come is probably this bloke at work with ratty little eyes and whose name is Lynch. I can’t see him as a grandmaster dragon or whatever they’re called but I can see him making racist remarks in his bathrobe.

4. Absinthe. I hate absinthe. It’s a disgusting drink, drunk by pretentious people who spend all night telling you that Jim Morrison was a poet, even after you’ve agreed with them that yes, they’re right, he certainly was a cunt of the highest order, but what’s their point? These people call absinthe “the green fairy” but they’d drink fairy liquid if they thought it woud compensate for their offputting obsession with French symbolists.