So
SO I’m in the Spar, and I’ve got the soda and the chocolate and the chips, and all that’s left on my list is the cottage cheese. So I’m looking in the fridge section - yoghurt, sour cream, milk - but I can’t see any cottage cheese. So I go up to the bloke at the counter and ask him if he’s got any cottage cheese. So he sort of looks at me funny, sort of crumpling his brow, and he says “what?” So I say “Cottage cheese, you know, a sort of a soft gungy cheese, comes in tubs. Have you got any?” So he looks at me all moonstruck and just shrugs uncomprehendingly. So now I’m getting irate; I grab the bloke by the lapels and get up-close and yell “cottage cheese, motherfucker! Do you have it?” and then without waiting for an answer I put ten bucks down on the counter for the soda, chocolate and chips and walk out onto the street and kick the lamp-post, hard. So I try the other place across the road.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 28th, 2006 at 9:01 AM and filed under New stuff. Trackbacks are closed.
Did they? Or did you have to assault more innocent street lighting?
Posted on 28-Mar-06 at 9:57 am | PermalinkThe American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language: Fourth Edition. 2000.
cottage cheese
NOUN: A soft white cheese made of strained and seasoned curds of skim milk. Also called pot cheese, Regional smearcase. also called regionally Regional Dutch cheese.
Smearcase?!?!
Posted on 28-Mar-06 at 9:58 am | PermalinkSmearcase sounds almost as bizarre as the “Polish Headcheese” they sell in my local deli.
Posted on 28-Mar-06 at 10:08 am | PermalinkCottage cheese. Yum. A Canadian delicacy.
Posted on 28-Mar-06 at 12:38 pm | Permalinkwe call it Hütten Käse here. It still tastes like shit.
Posted on 28-Mar-06 at 12:41 pm | PermalinkAre you feeling all teenage and angsty Menace?
Posted on 28-Mar-06 at 1:16 pm | PermalinkI think this is how Bruce Willis buys cottage cheese.
Posted on 28-Mar-06 at 1:59 pm | PermalinkKE: I imagine Bruce snuck a tub of cottage cheese into Nakatomi Plaza with him, down his pants.
Heather: I agree. A cheese by any other name would taste like shit.
Bobble: leave me alone.
Posted on 28-Mar-06 at 2:33 pm | PermalinkI do hope you weren’t looking for the sort with pineapple in it. That’s pervert-food, that is.
Posted on 29-Mar-06 at 2:03 am | PermalinkWell? I am on tenterhooks. Did you get some or not?
Posted on 29-Mar-06 at 4:09 am | PermalinkMaybe he didn’t understand because you weren’t americanising the cottage cheese like you were the ’soda’ and ‘chips’.
Posted on 29-Mar-06 at 6:50 am | PermalinkPS I love cottage cheese straight from the tub with a spoon.
You can get cottage cheese by kicking lamposts?
Posted on 29-Mar-06 at 11:45 am | PermalinkI’m off for a jog in a bit. I’ll try it out.
Doesn’t work. You just look deranged.
Posted on 29-Mar-06 at 1:49 pm | PermalinkBut you knew that. Didn’t you? Didn’t you?.
That was a quick jog. You should have kicked the lamppost on your way back rather than on your way out. That way your broken toes wouldn’t have impeded your running.
Posted on 30-Mar-06 at 4:00 am | PermalinkYes, I did get some (without pineapples). After a failure a task becomes a mission doesn’t it?
Mike: it only works if you go and buy cottage cheese after kicking the lamppost.
Posted on 30-Mar-06 at 9:25 am | Permalink