Ode to a Less than Demure Acquiantance of Mine
She needs no introduction - she speaks for herself
in a voice audible from Hawaii to Guelph;
she’s a gold medal cert at the Loudmouth Awards,
she’s the girl with the big gob and vast vocal chords.
She trumpets her trivia like it’s the news
of a triumph at 22 new Waterloos
and immediately everyone stands and applauds
the girl with the big gob and vast vocal chords.
The corridor quivers, the office is rent
by what sounds like a dread cataclysmic event,
but it’s not the approach of barbarian hordes,
it’s the girl with the big gob and vast vocal chords.
It’s quieter now, though it still perseveres,
since I took a machete to each of my ears -
for no nuclear warhead or army of swords
can silence her big gob or vast vocal chords.
She brays like a buzz-saw, now distant, now near,
as insufferable as she is insincere;
oh emptiest vessel, most brazen of broads,
oh girl with the big gob and vast vocal chords!
Note to everyone reading this: he doesn’t mean me.
It’s wonderful, babes. We should maybe invite her over for dinner?
Posted on 22-Dec-04 at 5:02 am | PermalinkMr H wonders if you’d heard me through my blogging?
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Posted on 22-Dec-04 at 6:01 am | Permalinkahah.. gob ? what is a gob ? It looks like an horrible disease to me ?
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Posted on 22-Dec-04 at 8:05 am | PermalinkKE - there you go again, spouting off. We wouldn’t need to invite her over since she only lives about 50 blocks from us.
hjb - you are the very apogee of demure.
negrito - gob = English slang for mouth. Also for spit / phlegm, but in this case, mouth.
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Posted on 22-Dec-04 at 9:00 am | PermalinkReally ? Wow thanks , I learned a cool word today eheheh .. Sure I will reuse it !!
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Posted on 22-Dec-04 at 9:03 am | PermalinkNo probs. If you’re interested, other slang words for mouth are cake-hole,* laughing gear, kisser, pie-hole, mush, trap.
*may suit gritos best.
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Posted on 22-Dec-04 at 10:01 am | PermalinkI’m wondering if you work anywhere near my office?
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Posted on 22-Dec-04 at 11:05 pm | PermalinkThe flirtation with the longer line makes this sound faintly music-hall Victorian: I think you should set it to music and do a stage turn.
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Posted on 23-Dec-04 at 2:00 am | Permalinklilo - feel free to watercooler a copy.
blist - xmas party tomorrow so that scenario may just unfold.
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Posted on 23-Dec-04 at 2:01 am | PermalinkTry it to the tune of ‘The old main drag’ by the Pogues - it works for me.
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Posted on 23-Dec-04 at 2:02 am | Permalinkincunabulist is right. I’ve been listening to the Pogues all week on my personal minidisc - won’t be able to hear that song now without putting your fabulous words to the tune.
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Posted on 23-Dec-04 at 5:02 am | PermalinkI am familiar with the tune. May you both have plenty of rum, sodomy and the lash over the festive period.
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Posted on 23-Dec-04 at 5:05 am | PermalinkLend me ten pounds, i’ll buy you a drink.
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Posted on 23-Dec-04 at 8:00 am | PermalinkOK, you miserable bollocks, you bitch?s bastard?s whore.
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Posted on 23-Dec-04 at 8:01 am | PermalinkThat’d be grand. T’anks a million.
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Posted on 23-Dec-04 at 8:05 am | Permalinkyeah let s do that. sodomy and the lash, you mean ponytail, right ? (excuse a poor grito trying to improve his english)
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Posted on 23-Dec-04 at 5:02 pm | PermalinkShe’s sat behind me. and i hate her. Shes twenty stone and she thinks she petite, aaaggghhh. Merry xmas
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Posted on 23-Dec-04 at 11:05 pm | Permalink*clutches forehead*
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Posted on 25-Dec-04 at 9:01 pm | PermalinkOh ace - you promised me you wouldn’t tell …
*sniffs*
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Posted on 31-Dec-04 at 7:03 pm | Permalinkgrito - aye, that’s right. arrr!
annie - trip the bitch up.
bhm - at least i can go home.
pog - happy new motherfucking year.
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Posted on 03-Jan-05 at 4:04 pm | Permalink