Musical interlude
Friday, April 23, 2004
The undercarriage on this blog is now officially up.
See you on the other side, all.
Boing boing
Friday, April 23, 2004
New: the Mexican Jumping Bean Bag.
It bounces around and jumps up and engulfs you. Oof.
Let it loose on your hyperactive nippers. Deploy it versus rogue kangaroos.
High Vanunu
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Vanunu released, quoth today’s newsmongers.
Now there’s a name to conjure with. Vanunu.
Va-noooo-nooo.
Sounds like a Porton Down special.
I live in fear of a release of Vanunu on the Northern line by some crazy Vanunatic.
Nice name for a boy, isn’t it?
Mnemonic
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Victoria + Circle = Tropicana Smoothstyle
District + Northern = organic chocolate
Circle + DLR + Bakerloo = Cadbury’s Creme Egg
Hammersmith & City + Central = Daz doorstep challenge
Victoria + Jubilee = Tinsel
Northern + Jubilee + Hammersmith & City = Bertie Bassett
Circle + District + Bakerloo = alligator belly
Jubilee + Waterloo & City + East London = Robinson Cruesoe
Piccadilly + Central + Northern + Circle = Harlequin
Circle + Piccadilly = my face after being pummelled for making her shout out random tubeline combinations oof ouch argh…
In a spin
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Like planes stacking over Heathrow (like bees stacking to suck an overpowering, musky flower). Stacking up the assortment of iloveyous, ohitsyous and whothehellareyous.
Saying goodbye has become an elaborate card trick whereby if one person sees through it, all will. Attempting to pull the gingham tablecloth of your existence out from under the teetering leftovers of your relationships, presto, leave everything as it was, with an empty space where you once were, which no-one notices, because you’re no longer there, and, so the theory of the conjuring goes, you never were.
Would it be easier to be uncivil, to slam the door on the way out, with an annunciative echo? No, and it would not exercise the weft and the ligament so well.
Besides, everyone is on their own tangenital orbit, anyway. One man’s strophe is another’s catastrophe. We have our entrances, and our exits, whatever the ham in you might say.
canal
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
woah oh woah oh
jesus is calling me
out to the rolling sea
woah oh woah oh
and we are falling, we
are drawn unto that sea
woah wo woah wo
woah oh woah oh
jesus is calling me
and I am drifting free
sounds like ceremony
woah oh woah oh
and in this old taxi
it’s like Gethsemane
Jesus is calling me
woah oh woah oh
woah oh woah oh
Jesus is falling free
can we keep it can we
ke he heep
the
change
you bet you fucking can
mr hymn-singing man
you drove us where we want
to hoo go
your praises we sang
not for your fragrant hymn
but for your latent sin
for your enladen calm
woah oh woah oh
Jesus would surely sing
of your unding-a-ling
unswerving safe driving
woah oh woah oh
woah oh woah oh
hymn hymn woah oh
Quenched
Saturday, April 17, 2004
A great smook was issuing from a Wandsworth spire not two furlongs distant. Approaching, we saw that the gentlemen of the press had not been tardy on this dropsical weekend morning, and were spread out among the amateur rubberneckers, the improbable extrusion of their camera lenses distinguishing them from hoi polloi. A pair of bobbies chortled as they fell to their task of directing the traffic, resembling nothing so much as a timeowrn vaudeville routine from the music hall. Sundry men of the municipal fire brigade malingered along with other, more obscure, emergency workers. A handful of newly-homeless residents of the charred tower block chatted and passed a joint amongst each other.
On our return home, I took a long draught of Tropicana Smoothstyle. It was gelid and oleaginous in my throat.
Eternal sunshine
Friday, April 16, 2004
Time taken to walk to the shop (by the chronometer): 3.5 minutes
Time taken to smoke a bifter (by same chronometer): 6.75 minutes
Time spent lingering outside shop to finish smoking (assuming no smoking permitted in shop) (by calculation): 3.25 minutes
Likelihood of being hassled for a light or a smoke whilst lingering, expressed as a percentage chance per minute (by observation) (estimate): 5%
Likelihood of the above occuring within a timespan of 3.25 minutes (by calculation): 16.25%
Average number of visits to the shop required to give a 100% likelihood of the above occuring (by calculation): 6.15
Annual visits to the shop (estimate): 300
Average annual occurrences of ex-shop hassling (by calculation): 48.75
Average annual number of times a random strange walks up to me and offers me a light or a fag (by observation): 0
Average annual net hassle quotient (by calculation): 48.75
Percentage of my natural human empathy eroded for each point of net hassle quotient (by fabrication): 0.25
Number of years, at this rate, before my human empathy is reduced to zero and I am acquitted of murder on account of diminished responsibility, and committed forthwith to an asylum (by calculation): 8, and 2 months, 14 days, 55 minutes and 23.08 seconds.