welcome a bored
Have a hole in your life? Fill it now with our patent bore. Placed strategically near you in a confined space, our bores are guaranteed to prate continuously without saying a single thing worth hearing, for a minimum of six hours. Boring time can be prolonged by a simple nod or other sign of recognition. Optional “bore stiff” or “bore to tears” functions are available. We supply only the finest bores, all with experience of local politics / community groups and a minimum ten years of cruise holidays. Many have competed internationally on the obscure-sit-com-recital circuit; specialist Monty-Python-recital bores are also available. Boring satisfaction guarabteed, call now, no-quibble refund if not completely bored.
This entry was posted on Saturday, May 10th, 2003 at 11:27 PM and filed under Old stuff. Trackbacks are closed.
Sounds good. I might go for the bore-to-tears option. Now just give me a number and I can get dialing!
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Posted on 11-Aug-03 at 6:03 am | Permalinkgoodbye
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Posted on 11-Aug-03 at 6:05 am | PermalinkDo you carry any bores who can reveal who REALLY orchestrated September 11 (the CIA/Bush administration/a bunch of bored librarians in Albuquerque) or one who can explain in detail why Creationism is just as likely as Evolution? If not, I can supply you with some.
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Posted on 11-Aug-03 at 5:03 pm | PermalinkNew, special offer: bores who sing “Bohemian Rhapsody” incessantly 24/7. And, for those who wish to be driven insane as well as bored, bores who sing “Bohemian Rhapsody” but are tone-deaf and only know half the words.
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Posted on 11-Aug-03 at 7:02 pm | PermalinkI would be particularly interested in a bore who can do “Princess Di was killed by MI5″, failing that I would be welcome, indeed probably adopt and leave all my wealth to, a model that gives the entire history of Harry Potter. If it has a “bored-senseless” function I would be more than happy to pay a little extra.
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Posted on 11-Aug-03 at 8:04 pm | Permalinkstupid, silly, senseless, shitless and even “to death” functions can be arranged.
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Posted on 11-Aug-03 at 11:01 pm | Permalinkit sounds ideal for me, as I’m seeking to broaden my spectrum of boredom. i’m looking for the anti-adrenaline rush, the finest avalable.
send me a brochure
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Posted on 12-Aug-03 at 12:00 am | Permalinkoooooooooooh im gunna cry :(
what do i want a cobbler for? sorry i dont get it.
pink
x
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Posted on 12-Aug-03 at 2:03 am | PermalinkSorry if I confused you there.. but it’s only fair, as you do it on a fairly regular basis ;).
I’ve posted a response, and earlier today I even tried to see if our Email addresses had started to talk to each other yet..
Keith (There’s still hope, I tell you!)
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Posted on 12-Aug-03 at 6:02 am | Permalinkwell how about i buy you one, only it has to be pink and sorry but johnny has to be fat- then you can break it and find the second half of the railway poem inside. great idea :)
pink
x
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Posted on 12-Aug-03 at 7:00 am | Permalinkjust found the pun to the cobbler thing- ha ha ha.
:)
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Posted on 12-Aug-03 at 8:00 am | Permalinkdo it then, pictures please… then youll get your poem :)
pink
x
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Posted on 12-Aug-03 at 9:00 am | Permalinkgod damn it!
tel me where i finished and ill think of the next line right now :)
pink
x
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Posted on 12-Aug-03 at 9:03 am | PermalinkOooooh, nasty! Someone’s jealous, methinks…don’t worry, I’m sure you’re in the top 13% of something….
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Posted on 14-Aug-03 at 7:04 am | Permalink